forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
