At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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