I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
