I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
