the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
