You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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