i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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