I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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