I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
