I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
