But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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