Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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