I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
