You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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