I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
