Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
