wanna go halves on a baby?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
