Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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