I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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