I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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