oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
