dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
