farters have to be the big spoon...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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