I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
