If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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