i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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