Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
