I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
