3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
