Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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