Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
