Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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