Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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