I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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