You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
