I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
