im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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