If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
