It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
