yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
