If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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