Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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