just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
