Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there was a trapeze. enough said
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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