Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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