They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you had me at cake vodka
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have tasted many bathrooms
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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