no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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