I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
