I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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