where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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