Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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