you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
