he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
