I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
