You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Vodka?
Forever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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